So, I haven't blogged in a week, and even though I didn't post anything, here's one of the topics that assaulted my mind.. Submission... See it started with my hair. My locs are in a really unruly state right now. At any given moment, they're liable to be doing their best Alfalfa impression, and each individual strand joins the act and it's just not right :-\ All that to say, I've been fighting with them for weeks now. Scarf or no scarf, product or no product, nothing really helped... Until I remembered my friend the bobby pin...
The bobby pin has been my friend and my confidant over the years, but never have I used so many as I do now.
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for me to have 10 pins in my head to make 12 locs behave. This morning, I decided to wash the front of my hair (psoriasis, oy!) and when I started thinking "now what?", I began to comb it all to one side. Then I started re-twisting strands and pinning them down, and before you know it, I had a little side-swoop action going on. I non-verbally told my locs who was in charge. Yes I did! But why all this hair talk?
Whelp, it struck me, that the owner of these here locs needs to submit too.
Yup, I run around doing what I want to do thinking that I'm in charge, when I'm truly not.
Here's what the Word says...
James 4:2b-3; 7-8a; 10
"You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you." "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
I had to lay all of that out because it puts the whole thing in context... Allow me to paraphrase for myself... You want stuff, but don't get it and wonder why. It's because you don't act right. So stop fighting and surrender to God.
I struggled all week long with not blogging. Part of me wanted to do it, a bigger part of me didn't feel like it. And while somewhere out there, I have a reader or two, at the end of the day, I'm blogging for me. God gave me this tool so I have to be obedient with it. Blogging everyday keeps me in my Word and focused on Him. I get caught up working for God through my church and my sorority, but when it comes to spending time with God, I want to find 53 other things to do. Submitting my will to God's will is really hard.
So, how do I do it? Honestly, I'm not sure. And to be completely honest, blogging at night is difficult. My mind is processing everything I saw, did, said, and experienced, so it's hard to do this, but I wanted to post tonight and not wait until the morning. I have to admit to myself that the desire to have my own way is a daily struggle. Every day, I need to admit my hardheadedness and pray for God to help me with it.
And this week, while I blog daily, I'm going to continue to marinate on it and I'll just have to go from there. One step at a time, until I can say "Here I am Lord, send me..." and really mean it!
Good night everyone!