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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

This particular phrase has been rolling around in my head for about 3 months now...

"If you cared, then you would care..."
I kept trying to blog about it, but it just didn't make sense. It was like a game of taboo or the Secret Word skit on SNL. This phrase would pop into my head every time I thought about some friends and how I felt that I was the one pulling all the "weight" in the friendship... Part of my ongoing struggle to relinquish people who don't want to be held on to... People who show me over and over again, by their actions or lack thereof, that they could care less about me and my feelings.
So it kept rolling around, 

"If you cared, then you would care..."
But tonight I FINALLY cracked the code! See caring by definition has two uses: to care (with the object) means "to feel concern about" while to care (without the object) means "to be concerned or solicitous; have thought or regard"  Caring is both a thinking and a doing word, a mental and a physical word. So if you care about me in general, care that I exist then that feeling would manifest as actions or words. I knew this principle applied to Love (ala Brownstone - If you love me, say it!) but I never thought about it in regards to Care... This phrase jumps in my head when I realize my expectations are too high in a friendship/relationship. I almost called two friends tonight to invite them out out and update them on everything, but then I remembered 

"If you cared, then you would care..."
If you were really my friend, you would know what's going on because we would have talked in the past 10 days. These days have given me a big reality check - reminded me that my parents are getting older and will inevitably need me more. Being the only child who is "present" on both sides, can be emotionally and physically draining. I need less weight in 2012, not more. I can't continue to carry these one-sided friendships. I can't love someone more than they love themselves. I need to pour my energy into people who are going to pour it back into me.

If they cared, then they would care... 
But they don't so I gotta move on.

"Girl, WHO?!" *hands on hips, neck rolling, in my auntie's voice* LOL