Fast forward to college and it was somewhat the same but different. This time, what was keeping me mostly single was my virginal status. At least that's what I think. Bc after freshman year, no one on campus even tried to Holla at me, but off campus I definitely had some attention.
During college, my walk with God became so much closer. Because it was during those nights of tears and loneliness, that I came to understand what was really going on. I realized that God had called me to be different and set me apart for a reason. Through thats I realized, that in my emotional vulnerable stage during those years, if one of my crushes had returned the feelings? I definitely wouldn't have been strong enough to stay abstinent. God never puts more on you than you can bear right? I realized that due to my inability to truly ascertain God's will for my life, He had to intervene. Similar to the lime vodka incident of 1995, certain things had to occur to keep me on the straight and narrow.
At various times, I've, conquered different image issues. I've lost weight and gained it back. I've had braids, weave, short hair, my own long hair. I've worn glasses and contacts. So what happened? I stopped beating myself up for not fitting in society's constructs for beauty and began to embrace the idea that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made". That I have my days where I might look a wreck,alright, or just plain amazing (like tonight lol!) But in spite of it all, I love me and I think im great, even if men don't show it or recognize it on a regular basis. Like I said, I don't know how I got to this point, but im thankful, because feeling bad about yourself can only lead to depression and regrettable behaviors. So, if you ask what my secret is? To thinking im amazing, wonderful, and worth it, flaws and all! The answer is God.
He's awesome! #thatisall
Time to go back to the party...
signing off - Blue Lady
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8