Blogging Sporadically Through March a/k/a I Like Me! - 3/28/14

To start off, I have been a bad blogger. I was doing so good with the daily posting, but these past couple of weeks have just been crazy busy and I gave up :-/ Oh well, perhaps I’ll try again in April. Today, I just had to blog. I needed to get back in my Word, but I also wanted to verbally express my birthday joy. I also needed to vent a little bit. So, here it goes:

 Yesterday was just chock full of awesome! Celebrating the day of my birth throughout the course of my regular day totally worked for me. While I kinda wanted to go do something fun, I was just as happy to head home at 9pm. If I counted up the birthday love via call, text, email, Instagram, and Facebook, and in person, I would say about 200 people wished me some form of happy birthday and that made me really happy. A lot of people also noticed my cute outfit and curves yesterday and gave me compliments on my appearance and/or my recent weight loss…. Like most folks, I love compliments and it was nice to get them from so many people.

BUT….

Some of those compliments were not so complimentary. Some of those compliments had hidden daggers inside them and they stung a little bit. One dagger is “keep up the good work”… “Keep up the good work” is a cliché generally used as a word of encouragement. How is that a dagger? Because a word of encouragement implies that I need encouraging. If I was on social media asking others for prayer or talking about how hard this journey has been, I could see the need for it. But the only things I have posted about have been reaching 10lb goals and comparison pictures. See, I’m in a weight loss challenge for my sorority and I think winning the prize money would be awesome, but that’s not what my journey is about. I changed my diet for 1 week of the challenge and quickly realized how much better my digestion became. If you know me, you know that I have acid reflux and IBS, and that I have a naturopathic doctor who I see for that. All these years he’s been recommending these food changes, but I never did it. Now that I have, I feel so much better. I have the challenge to thank for that! And while I spent the month of December and January walking from bus to bus, I’ve only worked out 3-4 times since I got my car. So, this 25+ lbs that I’ve lost is really more of my body’s response to the changes in my diet, not from some great effort to lose weight. My gut is not bloated with undigested crap, so my waistline is shrinking. I’ve started taking more selfies lately, because I can feel the difference, but I wanted to see the difference. I’m also ecstatic that I’m fitting pants I haven’t fit in 4 years. Who wants to buy more clothes when you can fit the ones you already have?!

I think a lot of people assume that being overweight is a sign of poor self-esteem. They just assume that because you’re big, you don’t care about yourself. In my case, that’s far from the truth. I think I’m amazing all the time. Perhaps I’m deluded, but I think I’m beautiful 24-7, 365. Whether I weigh 260 lbs or 180; Whether my clothes are wrinkled or pressed; Whether my hair was straight, nappy, or somewhere in between. Overall, I think I’m amazing and people who really know me have gotten used to that (LOL).

Complimenting someone about their weight loss can be tricky. Because so many people struggle with their weight (and their perceptions of their own body image), I think it’s very easy for them to get caught up in their own stuff when paying a compliment. I also think you have to be careful because you don’t know why someone has lost the weight. Someone could be fighting a disease or going through something stressful. When I lost 60 lbs in 2006, I enjoyed being smaller, but I was so sick. I lost that weight because I couldn’t eat. I used to get upset when people would compliment me on my weight loss because I just wanted to be able to eat food again. When my doctor helped my body to get back on track and helped the issues to heal, I was actually okay with putting the weight back on because I was happy to be able to eat without feeling sick.

In my opinion, if you can see a person losing weight and feeling good (which my selfie-thon is surely proof of), perhaps just compliment their appearance and keep it moving. “Girl, you look amazing!” is always safe. Regardless of how or why they have lost weight, you are acknowledging that you can see it and confirming what they already know. I actually had someone tell me yesterday that I look good now, but just wait until I lose even more weight…. I was a good girl because it was a national holiday (i.e. my birthday) so I just said thank you. But I really wanted to go in! First of all, I looked just as good in January as I do now. Second of all, who says I want to lose more weight? Are you saying that I need to? Are you saying that I’m not good enough yet? Chile… mmmph. Some people... Woooo-sah! I had to quickly put myself back in check! I had to remember that some people tend to project their own issues with weight onto others. Smh, I’m just thankful to God for holding my tongue. And while I’m fussing about it now, the purpose of this post is really to just enlighten some folks, but also to help some others. I think about the people who really do struggle with their weight and all that comes along with it, the shame and the depression that some people deal with. I’m praying that they come to recognize their worth and beauty too. Regardless of what we look like and how much we individually weigh, our confidence should really come from knowing who we are and whom we belong to.

The Word:   

Jeremiah 1:4-5a

“ The word of the Lord came to me, saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;’…”

Psalm 139:1-6;13-16; 23-24

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain… For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secrete place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be… Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Proverbs 31:30

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

The Video:

I Like Me (Kirk Franklin)  

 

Have a blessed day everyone!!

Food for thought....

Hmmm.

Blogging My Way Through March - Day 19

This morning, in spite of my tiredness and my biology trying to come for me,  I woke up with a praise song in my heart! It's a song we sing in the choir...

"I will praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord. For He alone is worthy of all my praise. I will praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord. For He alone is worthy. For He alone is worthy. For He alone is worthy. Worthy of all praise!"

As I began to contemplate that age old battle, should I hit snooze or end on my alarm, I realized that I was sleepy, my brain is awake. So, I am laying in my bed this a.m. as I blog...

This morning, I opened my Bible and re-read that verse that's been carrying me through this recent trial. I started thinking about my most recent conversation with my pastor. We were talking about my dilemma in wanting to go to grad school, but not being sure where I was supposed to go and what I'm supposed to do.  she was curious why seminary was on the list of possibilities for me and I told her I honestly didn't know, part of me just felt like I was supposed to and the more we talked about it, the less I could identify what made me request info from them. Pondering that conversation this morning, I think I've arrived at the why of it all...

I've blogged previously about how God has always had to have a hard hand with me because I always want to choose my path, then ask the Lord to bless it after I've already chosen it. There are so many instances in my life where God has had to literally step in and intervene, if only to steer me in the direction that I was supposed to go. There are 3 major incidents in my life that come to mind immediately. 1.) the lime vodka incident of 1996 - which traumatized me for years by proxy, but lead me to stop playing around with alcohol and wait until I was old enough to legally drink it. 2.) The time I got an F in Cross-Cultural Psychology. I never turned in the take-home final, bc I had made the ridiculous decision to sell my books back before the semester was over. Being prideful, I didn't want to admit what I had done to my professor and Failure to participate in the final is an automatic F. 3.) The time that God clearly wanted me to work at CYF, but I didn't want to, so I chose to work in behavioral health until I got fired for being honest and ended up at CYF anyway...

My hardheadedness is epic, but look what God has done in my life, despite my failings?? I have grown and flourished in so many ways because has God has kept me on HIS path.

So, I've finally come to trust God, even when I don't necessarily hear what He's saying. When the word Seminary was uttered as a possible possibility for me, some years ago, I immediately began to backpedal. Noooooooo! So this year, when the word returned, I actually started to consider it because I was so adamant against it. Does that make sense? Because of my past experiences, I started to think that maybe my loud and fervent NOs were just the precursor to God getting what He wants anyway, so I might as well  just start giving in now. Meanwhile, I hadn't received God's call, I just assumed that's what was going on. I asked God to tell me which school to pick and didn't hear anything. A friend suggested that I stop trying to limit God and just ask Him to direct my path. Here, in this season of Lenten preparation, that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm praying for clear direction on Easter Sunday.

Today, I read the book of Jonah and chuckled to myself. He is so me! God tells him what to do and he runs away from it. God intervenes in the awol directly and Jonah ends up exactly the place he didn't want to be. Jonah gives in and begins to prophesy that Ninevah is going to be destroyed by God. The city and its ruler begin to repent to God and they are not destroyed. Good ending right? Sure, but not in Jonah's eyes. Instead of being happy that the people changed their ways and have been saved from God's wrath, Jonah gets an attitude. And I bet it had less to do with Nineveh deserving the punishment and more to do with Jonah's pride. He has gone around the city for 3 days straight, warning them of God's wrath, only for it not to happen. I can only imagine that he felt stupid and like everyone else agreed! Then he got angry. How dare God make him look stupid?  Forget that grace and mercy that saved him from drowning in the ocean three days ago, Jonah doesn't think that grace and mercy should apply to Nineveh. So Jonah is mad and has the audacity to tell God he has the right to be mad. God shows him continuing grace and mercy and doesn't smite him on the spot. Instead, he gently reminds him of who He is as God the creator, God our Father and its awesome. God the Father puts up with sulky "teenage" Me all the time and I wonder why lol.  Then the book of Jonah abruptly comes to an end... I wonder what happened next in Jonah's life?

Time to get ready for work.
Have a lovely day!

-Maryn

Blogging My Way Through March - Day 18 - Emboldened by Biology

Do you know in real life? If you do, you probably know me as someone who is always talking and usually joking. You may know me as someone who is friends with everyone.  You may even know me as someone who speaks up on things that matter and continues to push them until I get my way.

But I didn’t start out that way…

I was not always so talkative. Growing up, I actually wavered somewhere between shy and quiet. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true! While my family and close friends knew me to be the motormouth I really am, I did not really let that show in public. I did not cut jokes.  I did not speak my mind. I did not raise my voice. In middle school, I started to come out of my shell, though. The point I remember best happened in 7^th grade. I had come down with strep throat during the Blizzard of ’93. I distinctly remember coming back to school and being a little wild and crazy. I blamed it on the antibiotics (and the Tylenol with codeine), but that was when I started to become me.

I was never really a fighter, and to be honest, I’m still not. But, when I was younger, I avoided confrontation like the plague. I would much rather have a friend than an enemy any day, but there were definitely people who I did not get along with. They were people from my school, from church, from my neighborhood…  Most of the time, if I had problems with someone, I just vented about it later. (This is probably why I have only been in 4 physical altercations over the course of my life.) In college, I learned how to deal with conflict head-on. No, I did not become a fighter, but I became a person who was able to deal with confrontation. I learned to be truthful about the negative feelings I was experiencing, even if revealing that information was upsetting.

Now that I’m an adult (and getting older by the minute!), it has become very important to me that my voice and my opinion are heard. When my voice is squelched, when I feel powerless in a situation, I will become confrontational. This is on a regular basis. In a time of turmoil and/or stress and anytime my biology becomes me, there’s a metamorphosis that occurs and mild-mannered, easy-going Me turns into a super hero (or maybe even a villain). Able to be set off with one lonely text message, flying into storms of rage against the machine,  leaping into personal conflicts left and right… All of a sudden, I’m wrapped up in conflict left and right and I wonder how what I said and did led to that point.

My biology emboldens me, but it’s only temporary. There is a lasting boldness, an assuredness that doesn’t go away. This holy confidence comes from God. I want to be bold for the Lord, using my spiritual gifts as He sees fit. I want to be able to speak up anytime it’s important, not just when I get riled up and agitated.

The Word

1 Corinthians 16:13

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.”

The Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Help me through these trying times. Help me to stand for what is right, even if I’m the only one who seems to be standing. God help me to persevere; embolden my tongue, but only to say what you want me to say. Shut my mouth if I’m speaking out of my own selfish desires and wants. I’m your servant, Lord. Lead me, direct me, guide my feet. Thank you Lord for always listening to my prayers. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.  

The Video:

Richard Smallwood (He Won't Leave You)

I woke up this morning with this song on my heart. Thank you Lord!

Blogging My Way Through March - Day 17

Blogging did not happen today.... :-( but sometimes you just have to push through and trust that God has got it. So allow me to praise Him for what He's already done and in advance for what He's about to do! Walter Hawkins - Thank You Lord (for all you've d…: http://youtu.be/4FXq1Eff4M4

Blogging My Way Through March - Day 15 - Beware The Ides of March

Every holiday in March is important to me, probably due to the fact that they're each like a mini-countdown to my birthday. Today, I realized that it was the Ides of March and I immediately thought to myself, "Beware the ides of March!". The day carried on, however, and my mind began to wander over the different stressors in my life. I found myself replaying an interaction and then crafting a response, over and over again... I realized that I was doing it again, making my mountains more important than God. A verse/song came to mind... Cast all your cares on Jesus, for He cares for you! I went to the Word to get it from the source and reading it in context, found some more Word that spoke directly to the situation. (It's attached to this post btw).

As I named this post, I decided to research the ides of March and what do you know, it had an application to the Scripture I found! Here's the story:

So, in 44 BC, Julius Caesar was that dude. Plutarch predicted that he would be assassinated by the Ides of March. That day came, and Caesar pretty much laughed in Plutarch's face because he was still alive that day ... only to go inside the Senate gathering where he would be killed by his fellow senators, who had secretly been conspiring against him. 

So, beware the ides of March, to me, now means Pay Attention and Watch Your Back (and your front, and your sides lol). Factions and political parties will rise and fall, but I don't have to spend time and energy getting involved in it. God is able to handle it, but I just need to hand it to Him!

Dear Lord, please take these burdens away. They are heavy, they are taxing, and I'm sick of them. Help me to leave them with You and not pick them back up again. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Enjoy your day everyone!
-BlueLady
 

Blogging My Way Through March - Day 14

Just a quick post about God's faithfulness.

I'm just so thankful for what He has done for me, in this week alone, that I gotta praise Him.

Of course such a good week has to have some drama stirring, but whatever devil, God is in control!

Lord help me to continue to keep my priorities in check. You first!,

Lamentations 3:21-26 NKJV
This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the Lord ’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They  are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord  is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord  is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It  is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the Lord .