Do you know in real life? If you do, you probably know me as
someone who is always talking and usually joking. You may know me as someone
who is friends with everyone. You may
even know me as someone who speaks up on things that matter and continues to
push them until I get my way.
But I didn’t start out that way…
I was not always so talkative. Growing up, I actually
wavered somewhere between shy and quiet. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s
true! While my family and close friends knew me to be the motormouth I really
am, I did not really let that show in public. I did not cut jokes. I did not speak my mind. I did not raise my
voice. In middle school, I started to come out of my shell, though. The point I
remember best happened in 7th grade. I had come down with strep
throat during the Blizzard of ’93. I distinctly remember coming back to school
and being a little wild and crazy. I blamed it on the antibiotics (and the Tylenol
with codeine), but that was when I started to become me.
I was never really a fighter, and to be honest, I’m still
not. But, when I was younger, I avoided confrontation like the plague. I would
much rather have a friend than an enemy any day, but there were definitely
people who I did not get along with. They were people from my school, from church,
from my neighborhood… Most of the time,
if I had problems with someone, I just vented about it later. (This is probably
why I have only been in 4 physical altercations over the course of my life.) In
college, I learned how to deal with conflict head-on. No, I did not become a
fighter, but I became a person who was able to deal with confrontation. I
learned to be truthful about the negative feelings I was experiencing, even if
revealing that information was upsetting.
Now that I’m an adult (and getting older by the minute!), it
has become very important to me that my voice and my opinion are heard. When my
voice is squelched, when I feel powerless in a situation, I will become confrontational.
This is on a regular basis. In a time of turmoil and/or stress and anytime my biology
becomes me, there’s a metamorphosis that occurs and mild-mannered, easy-going
Me turns into a super hero (or maybe even a villain). Able to be set off with
one lonely text message, flying into storms of rage against the machine, leaping into personal conflicts left and right…
All of a sudden, I’m wrapped up in conflict left and right and I wonder how
what I said and did led to that point.
My biology emboldens me, but it’s only temporary. There is a
lasting boldness, an assuredness that doesn’t go away. This holy confidence
comes from God. I want to be bold for the Lord, using my spiritual gifts as He
sees fit. I want to be able to speak up anytime it’s important, not just when I
get riled up and agitated.
The Word
1 Corinthians 16:13
“Be on your guard;
stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.”
The Prayer:
Dear Lord,
Help me through these
trying times. Help me to stand for what is right, even if I’m the only one who
seems to be standing. God help me to persevere; embolden my tongue, but only to
say what you want me to say. Shut my mouth if I’m speaking out of my own
selfish desires and wants. I’m your servant, Lord. Lead me, direct me, guide my
feet. Thank you Lord for always listening to my prayers. In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.
The Video:
Richard Smallwood (He Won't Leave You)
I woke up this morning with this song on my heart. Thank you Lord!
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