This particular phrase has been rolling around in my head for about 3 months now...
"If you cared, then you would care..."
I kept trying to blog about it, but it just didn't make sense. It was like a game of taboo or the Secret Word skit on SNL. This phrase would pop into my head every time I thought about some friends and how I felt that I was the one pulling all the "weight" in the friendship... Part of my ongoing struggle to relinquish people who don't want to be held on to... People who show me over and over again, by their actions or lack thereof, that they could care less about me and my feelings.
So it kept rolling around,
"If you cared, then you would care..."
But tonight I FINALLY cracked the code! See caring by definition has two uses: to care (with the object) means "to feel concern about" while to care (without the object) means "to be concerned or solicitous; have thought or regard" Caring is both a thinking and a doing word, a mental and a physical word. So if you care about me in general, care that I exist then that feeling would manifest as actions or words. I knew this principle applied to Love (ala Brownstone - If you love me, say it!) but I never thought about it in regards to Care... This phrase jumps in my head when I realize my expectations are too high in a friendship/relationship. I almost called two friends tonight to invite them out out and update them on everything, but then I remembered
"If you cared, then you would care..."
If you were really my friend, you would know what's going on because we would have talked in the past 10 days. These days have given me a big reality check - reminded me that my parents are getting older and will inevitably need me more. Being the only child who is "present" on both sides, can be emotionally and physically draining. I need less weight in 2012, not more. I can't continue to carry these one-sided friendships. I can't love someone more than they love themselves. I need to pour my energy into people who are going to pour it back into me.
If they cared, then they would care...
But they don't so I gotta move on.
"Girl, WHO?!" *hands on hips, neck rolling, in my auntie's voice* LOL
-BlueLady
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
I think I had my #CyberMonday last Wednesday :-o
So....
I've been a tad obsessed with duck boots. So obsessed that I bid on like 8 pairs on eBay! (I also bid on 4 pairs of rainboots, Whoopsies!)
Now normally when I crazybid like that, its on something like an iPod and I put a maximum bid of like $40 so I get severely outbid and win nothing. Well apparently the value of pre-owned duckboots is lower than i thought. Except for the 1st pair, my max bid was $20.... So not only did I win the first overpriced fur-lined duck boots (interestingly enough, they are green! #dontjudgeme), I've since won a pair of construction-esque duck boots with a higher ankle, a pair of neon green rainboots, and a lovely pair of black/white patterned rainboots...
My shoe heart is jumping for joy, but my wallet's virtual pillow is wet with tears.... Sigh!
Thank God I lost 3 auctions already and I've been outbid on 3 more auctions. There are still 2 more auctions out there, and it looks like I'm the only bidder for another construction-esque pair of duckboots. So those will probably be mine too :-/ I'm almost at my max for these very nice leopard-print cowboy-styled rainboots.... Its bad, but I just increased my bid on those, bc I really want them now LOL.
I'm going to go stand in the corner, but if you're interested, I've posted pics of my wins, losses, and pendings on my tumblr. Enjoy!
http://mformley1920.tumblr.com/
Happy Cyber Monday everybody!!
-BlueLady a/k/a "Pittsburgh's Imelda Marcos"
I've been a tad obsessed with duck boots. So obsessed that I bid on like 8 pairs on eBay! (I also bid on 4 pairs of rainboots, Whoopsies!)
Now normally when I crazybid like that, its on something like an iPod and I put a maximum bid of like $40 so I get severely outbid and win nothing. Well apparently the value of pre-owned duckboots is lower than i thought. Except for the 1st pair, my max bid was $20.... So not only did I win the first overpriced fur-lined duck boots (interestingly enough, they are green! #dontjudgeme), I've since won a pair of construction-esque duck boots with a higher ankle, a pair of neon green rainboots, and a lovely pair of black/white patterned rainboots...
My shoe heart is jumping for joy, but my wallet's virtual pillow is wet with tears.... Sigh!
Thank God I lost 3 auctions already and I've been outbid on 3 more auctions. There are still 2 more auctions out there, and it looks like I'm the only bidder for another construction-esque pair of duckboots. So those will probably be mine too :-/ I'm almost at my max for these very nice leopard-print cowboy-styled rainboots.... Its bad, but I just increased my bid on those, bc I really want them now LOL.
I'm going to go stand in the corner, but if you're interested, I've posted pics of my wins, losses, and pendings on my tumblr. Enjoy!
http://mformley1920.tumblr.com/
Happy Cyber Monday everybody!!
-BlueLady a/k/a "Pittsburgh's Imelda Marcos"
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Flirting 101
Its come to my attention that apparently guys don't pick up on it. My girls will tease me, like wow you are flirting etc but then I'll find out that the guy was clueless
WTHeck?
So, about a month ago, I was encouraged to reveal my attraction to my long-time crush.... yeah it didn't go so well and i probably ruined our friendship... oh well, his loss! Thought I would have blogged about it by now but honestly it was the most awkward convo I have ever had and I guess I wasn't sure how to put my feelings into words... I mean, part of me was relieved to finally tell him. Then part of me was angry bc he didn't react the way I thought he would. The other part of me was just surprised. I mean, how in the world did he NOT know that I've been half in love with him for years??? So, then I started to question his words ala maybe he's just trying to save my feelings by pretending that he was shocked.... but then I had to remember all the mixed signals he's been giving. So finally, like 2 days ago, it finally hit me that regardless of how he feels now or how he felt then, it doesn't matter. If he wanted me now, then he would act accordingly. And he hasn't acted at all so it is what it is. So, on that note, I got what I wanted. CLARITY!
Enough of the past, let's get on to the present. I definitely had some recent interactions with a couple of men that I considered flirtatious. I feel like the moment i decide i'm interested in somebody, the flirting pheromones just start oozing out of my pores. Today, somebody gave me reason to think they're interested. I hadn't been thinking that way but my eyeballs did some assessing. And before I knew it, I went into flirt mode! But the question remains, can he even tell?
I need a class in this mess. Any schools offer Flirting 101 or Male Communication for Beginners? How about Advanced Mixed Signals?
LOL Until later,
BlueLady
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Thursday, November 3, 2011
Trifling or Frugal....?
So if you read my previous post, you know that I had an amazing thrifting experience that turned into a nightmare. 6 pairs of shoes, 2 of which (so far) have turned out to be duds.
Shoes that were stripped to the gray meat and repainted to look amazing! The thriftstore says they're not at fault and I believe them (for now). So then that leaves me to ponder... Who did this?
What big-footed women would do something like this? Every 10-Club member knows that it is hard to find shoes in our size and when we find them, winner takes all.
So, one of two things:
1. My fellow 10-Club member was trying to sell these shoes so spruced them up so she could get a good price. Maybe the sales fell through so she donated them to the thrift store...
2. My fellow 10-Club member decided to spruce up her shoe collection for her own benefit. But here's the thing, this paint is falling apart within the first 30 minutes of wear. Was she painting her shoes all day? I doubt it!
I'm the first to admit that I am hard on shoes. My driving foot consistenly has a dark spot on the side of the heel area due to the black floor rugs in my car. I try to monitor it, but after some days of wear and tear, I get those ugly marks. But after one 40 minute drive to work???? That's not wear and tear, that's a mess.
That being said, people, let's not do this to each other anymore okay? Keep your raggedy stuff to yourself. Don't try to buff and polish it on the outside when its jacked up underneath! (mmm, that sounds like a word! Should I ever be called upon to preach, trust that it will be chock full of shoe analogies! LOL)
What was I saying?
Oh yeah...
CUT IT OUT!
Shoes that were stripped to the gray meat and repainted to look amazing! The thriftstore says they're not at fault and I believe them (for now). So then that leaves me to ponder... Who did this?
What big-footed women would do something like this? Every 10-Club member knows that it is hard to find shoes in our size and when we find them, winner takes all.
So, one of two things:
1. My fellow 10-Club member was trying to sell these shoes so spruced them up so she could get a good price. Maybe the sales fell through so she donated them to the thrift store...
2. My fellow 10-Club member decided to spruce up her shoe collection for her own benefit. But here's the thing, this paint is falling apart within the first 30 minutes of wear. Was she painting her shoes all day? I doubt it!
I'm the first to admit that I am hard on shoes. My driving foot consistenly has a dark spot on the side of the heel area due to the black floor rugs in my car. I try to monitor it, but after some days of wear and tear, I get those ugly marks. But after one 40 minute drive to work???? That's not wear and tear, that's a mess.
That being said, people, let's not do this to each other anymore okay? Keep your raggedy stuff to yourself. Don't try to buff and polish it on the outside when its jacked up underneath! (mmm, that sounds like a word! Should I ever be called upon to preach, trust that it will be chock full of shoe analogies! LOL)
What was I saying?
Oh yeah...
CUT IT OUT!
These shoes are not for wearing....
Let me just start by saying, I don't normally buy thrift store shoes...
One store in particular normally makes me very happy and I can normally find decent things to wear, but I usually find that thrift store shoes are scuffed to death, run over, looking a hot mess so I don't buy them.
What a surprise that when I walked in to find a new-to-me coat, I encountered a $10 Big Bag Sale! I happily ran around the store scooping up shirts and pieces of fabric. I took a look at the shoe racks, not expecting to find anything....
To my surprise, there were shoes galore in MY size in wonderful condition. I should have known then it was too good to be true....
I promptly bought 6 pairs of shoes - 3 pairs of heels (chocolate, navy blue, navy blue), 1 pair of loafers (black ala snakeskin), 1 pair of wedge sandals (also black), and a weird pair of brown brogans with good tread. I was so excited about my finds, I tweeted about them, I facebooked about them, and even told my mama.
I proudly wore my shoes to work on November 1st (the chocolate reverse v-tip pumps). Got compliments on them all day. Left work and happened to look down.... the paint was buckled and started to rub off. I had to let the world know I had been thrift-swindled! How dare they?!?!
I went home and inspected the 5 other pairs, ran my finger over them looking for another bad paint job. The shoes passed my sight and touch test......
The next morning, I wore black bow-tie flats that were not thrifted so no issues there.
Today, I walk confidently out of my house in the navy pumps with the silver accents, looking good!
Walking into the office, nervous, I checked the side of my shoe... Lo, and behold, the paint is rubbed off on my driving foot.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
So the tweeting and facebooking begun. I'm so mad I had to post this blog entry!
I start writing this post, then decide to be a true information-gatherer. No need to get sued for libel. I decide to call the thrift store and ask them what's going on. I explained my story and the lady kindly told me, all we do is tag them and put them on the shelf. Then she nicely reminded me that all sales are final. Mmm ok, thanks, but I didn't ask you for a refund of my $1 shoes!
I might be frugal, but I ain't cheap!
This was never about the money I spent, this was about principle.
Had they admitted that it was their policy to "clean up" items to improve sales, it would have been on like popcorn. I was ready to shut them down. But since they didn't admit to it, and I can't prove it.... oshwell!
Anybody know a quality shoe-dyer?
Next entry: The 10-Club member who donated her dyed shoes....
One store in particular normally makes me very happy and I can normally find decent things to wear, but I usually find that thrift store shoes are scuffed to death, run over, looking a hot mess so I don't buy them.
What a surprise that when I walked in to find a new-to-me coat, I encountered a $10 Big Bag Sale! I happily ran around the store scooping up shirts and pieces of fabric. I took a look at the shoe racks, not expecting to find anything....
To my surprise, there were shoes galore in MY size in wonderful condition. I should have known then it was too good to be true....
I promptly bought 6 pairs of shoes - 3 pairs of heels (chocolate, navy blue, navy blue), 1 pair of loafers (black ala snakeskin), 1 pair of wedge sandals (also black), and a weird pair of brown brogans with good tread. I was so excited about my finds, I tweeted about them, I facebooked about them, and even told my mama.
I proudly wore my shoes to work on November 1st (the chocolate reverse v-tip pumps). Got compliments on them all day. Left work and happened to look down.... the paint was buckled and started to rub off. I had to let the world know I had been thrift-swindled! How dare they?!?!
I went home and inspected the 5 other pairs, ran my finger over them looking for another bad paint job. The shoes passed my sight and touch test......
The next morning, I wore black bow-tie flats that were not thrifted so no issues there.
Today, I walk confidently out of my house in the navy pumps with the silver accents, looking good!
Walking into the office, nervous, I checked the side of my shoe... Lo, and behold, the paint is rubbed off on my driving foot.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
So the tweeting and facebooking begun. I'm so mad I had to post this blog entry!
I start writing this post, then decide to be a true information-gatherer. No need to get sued for libel. I decide to call the thrift store and ask them what's going on. I explained my story and the lady kindly told me, all we do is tag them and put them on the shelf. Then she nicely reminded me that all sales are final. Mmm ok, thanks, but I didn't ask you for a refund of my $1 shoes!
I might be frugal, but I ain't cheap!
This was never about the money I spent, this was about principle.
Had they admitted that it was their policy to "clean up" items to improve sales, it would have been on like popcorn. I was ready to shut them down. But since they didn't admit to it, and I can't prove it.... oshwell!
Anybody know a quality shoe-dyer?
Next entry: The 10-Club member who donated her dyed shoes....
Friday, October 21, 2011
Back to Blogging
Okay,
I don't have a lot of time, but I love blogging and its time to get back to it.
I've been in the middle of reorganization.... Reorganizing my finances, reorganizing my finances, reorganizing my life.
There's been a lot going on, but things are looking up.
I'll admit that I'm still fighting my feelings for him.... Can't say that I'm doing so well though.
On that note, I should probably leave now and marinate in the car....
I don't have a lot of time, but I love blogging and its time to get back to it.
I've been in the middle of reorganization.... Reorganizing my finances, reorganizing my finances, reorganizing my life.
There's been a lot going on, but things are looking up.
I'll admit that I'm still fighting my feelings for him.... Can't say that I'm doing so well though.
On that note, I should probably leave now and marinate in the car....
Monday, July 4, 2011
#IndependenceUrself Fool! *in my Chris Tucker voice*
Now they've done it! They done gone and made me angry! I tried to be peaceable, but I've had all I can stands and I can't stands no more!
Have you ever realized that you don't matter to someone as much as they matter to you?
Normally, this scenario happens in relationships (I've been there too), but today I need to address when it happens in friendships.
First, let me start off by saying that I was a Campfire Girl and we used to sing this song that I really took to heart - "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold..."
For as long as I can remember, I have always held on to my friendships, from my first best friend (shoutout to Shae) to my most recent best friends. I've always been the hub friend, the friend that held the group together, because I refuse to let people go. Many friends from high school lose touch by the time they hit the 10 year reunion, I kept all of mine. And with the wonders of facebook? Heck, they've made it easy. I'll hold on to a friend forever, UNLESS you hurt my feelings, and then it's on like popcorn.
Recently, it occurred to me that one of my friends was really not my friend anymore. Surprise to me, because I felt like things were cool. I mean, adult life is busy, so I expected that we wouldn't be able to talk as much anymore or be able to go out as much anymore. Their life was super hectic and Lord knows I had a lot going on too. But then something happened and I realized that something was weird, that this isn't the way things are supposed to go. So I scheduled time to talk and made excuses for them. But when our "time to talk" got canceled (not rescheduled!), I should have known something was up. Then a scenario jumped in my head, and it made me so sad that it brought me to tears. I immediately blamed my wild imagination and made more excuses for them! I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but let's just say that I have proof that my claims are valid and my feelings are really and truly hurt.
As confrontational as I can be, I bet you're wondering why I'm blogging about it, rather than addressing it. Let's just chalk that up to extenuating circumstances, shall we? I may not address it directly, but I have to deal with it because at the end of the day, I have to protect my heart. The way I see it, I only have 2 options: Available or Unavailable.
My feelings are so close to the surface right now, that I'm not sure if I can be available and pretend like nothing is wrong. But if I go unavailable, I take the risk of them not even realizing I'm gone. Shouldn't they be made aware of how their actions (or inactions) have caused me pain? But then if they were really my friend, wouldn't they know without me having to be obvious about it.... I could go on and on about how this person could have handled this whole situation differently and just KEPT IT REAL, but why bother because the only person I can change is me.
What a pickle!
I have to eventually address it though, that's how I'm wired.... It's just a matter of when. Might be 2 years from now, LOL!
In the meantime, I'm just grateful that I have so many other WONDERFUL friends who show it on a regular basis, and whether we get together once a week or once a year, we get together! I love y'all. And where would I be without my ultimate best friend, Jesus, who wipes every tear? With Him, I can weather any storm.
In prayer,
BlueLady
Have you ever realized that you don't matter to someone as much as they matter to you?
Normally, this scenario happens in relationships (I've been there too), but today I need to address when it happens in friendships.
First, let me start off by saying that I was a Campfire Girl and we used to sing this song that I really took to heart - "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold..."
For as long as I can remember, I have always held on to my friendships, from my first best friend (shoutout to Shae) to my most recent best friends. I've always been the hub friend, the friend that held the group together, because I refuse to let people go. Many friends from high school lose touch by the time they hit the 10 year reunion, I kept all of mine. And with the wonders of facebook? Heck, they've made it easy. I'll hold on to a friend forever, UNLESS you hurt my feelings, and then it's on like popcorn.
Recently, it occurred to me that one of my friends was really not my friend anymore. Surprise to me, because I felt like things were cool. I mean, adult life is busy, so I expected that we wouldn't be able to talk as much anymore or be able to go out as much anymore. Their life was super hectic and Lord knows I had a lot going on too. But then something happened and I realized that something was weird, that this isn't the way things are supposed to go. So I scheduled time to talk and made excuses for them. But when our "time to talk" got canceled (not rescheduled!), I should have known something was up. Then a scenario jumped in my head, and it made me so sad that it brought me to tears. I immediately blamed my wild imagination and made more excuses for them! I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but let's just say that I have proof that my claims are valid and my feelings are really and truly hurt.
As confrontational as I can be, I bet you're wondering why I'm blogging about it, rather than addressing it. Let's just chalk that up to extenuating circumstances, shall we? I may not address it directly, but I have to deal with it because at the end of the day, I have to protect my heart. The way I see it, I only have 2 options: Available or Unavailable.
My feelings are so close to the surface right now, that I'm not sure if I can be available and pretend like nothing is wrong. But if I go unavailable, I take the risk of them not even realizing I'm gone. Shouldn't they be made aware of how their actions (or inactions) have caused me pain? But then if they were really my friend, wouldn't they know without me having to be obvious about it.... I could go on and on about how this person could have handled this whole situation differently and just KEPT IT REAL, but why bother because the only person I can change is me.
What a pickle!
I have to eventually address it though, that's how I'm wired.... It's just a matter of when. Might be 2 years from now, LOL!
In the meantime, I'm just grateful that I have so many other WONDERFUL friends who show it on a regular basis, and whether we get together once a week or once a year, we get together! I love y'all. And where would I be without my ultimate best friend, Jesus, who wipes every tear? With Him, I can weather any storm.
In prayer,
BlueLady
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