Just keep swimming - 11/7/13

Getting tired of whining about work, I must admit. It’s also hard to blog when I’m not feeling emotionally riled up about anything. I’m okay, just really tired of work right now, not upset about it, if that makes sense. At this point, I’m just trying to hold on this crazy part is over! And the verse from Psalms came to mind, “How long, O Lord, how long?”, so today’s verses focus on Endurance and Perseverance.

James 1:12 – “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him” 
Keep moving, keep going, keep rising, keep shining…. It’s like a mantra that plays over and over in my head. Grateful to God for my positive attitude.

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Romans 15:5 – “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves…” 
This stood out to me because sometimes, it is very hard to work with people, particularly a large group of people. But we have to stand together and continually hope and pray for a spirit of unity among us. United we will succeed, divided we will fail.

Colossians 1:29 – “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me” 
Finally, in this verse from Colossians, Paul says I’m struggling, but I’m working and God gives me the energy to keep going. And it’s not a weak energy, it is God’s power working through me to keep me going while I labor at my job, but even more so labor in service to Him at church and in the community. To God be the glory for the things He has done and continues to do! Be optimistic! -BlueLady

Diligent for Him - 11/6/13

Oh em geeeeeee. I am so sleepy this morning. Words can truly not express the mental/physical fatigue I am starting to feel right now. I woke up with a headache and began to try to work through that. Of course, I started thinking about all of the things that I have left to do this week for work (UAT, business requirements meeting, continue to work on training curriculum for new stuff, then train new hires on placement and non-placement services), for church (data entry, choir rehearsal, mime rehearsal, service project, and youth retreat), and for my sorority (attend undergrad program at Pitt, pay dues, duties at the chapter meeting, prematurity awareness Sunday). Wow, seeing it all listed like this even makes me say WOW… Yesterday, I overheard my coworkers talking about me (in a good way) and how I amaze them because I never stop moving. Meanwhile, I know the only way I can keep going is because of God giving me the strength and resources to do so. I am dedicated to the ministries that I've been called to in my church, and I’m committed to my duties in the chapter. I've been equipped by the Lord so I serve.

This morning I read a couple of passages in “My Utmost for His Highest” Devotional Bible and in one of the author’s books, he spoke about how Abraham was diligent. He pointed out how the text says that Abraham “rose early in the morning” to accomplish the task that God had set before him – sacrificing his son. Then he talked about how Paul talks about being a diligent servant but didn't give a reference, so I’m going to attempt to find it.

Hebrews 6:10-12

“God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”

I love reading God’s Word, and I’m so excited to have found a way to invest myself in reading it. Thank you Lord for confirming that you see me and my work and that you know it’s for You.

1 Timothy 4:12-16

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.”

This one starts off a little off today’s topic, but I still think it’s important. (I think I’ll share verses 12 and 13 with my Yas, but just verse 12 as my #DailyBible for today.) Anyway,  the Word clearly says that we are to be diligent and pay attention to our witness, as seen by our lives and by the doctrine we preach/teach/stand by. My pastor often says “I’m so glad I was on my best behavior…” We often get caught up in our own stuff but it’s important to remember the world is watching. 

Well, the time has ticked away and this sinus headache is attempting to get out of control...
Here's a video, because I'm nothing without His love!


BlueLady

Don't Give Up! - 11/5/13

So... work kinda sucks right now. My job was already semi crazy with my unit being called upon to participate/lead the business requirements, aspects of design, sign off on the specs, test, train, and provide post-release support for this application. (Geez, that was a mouthful. 2 years ago, I would've said HUH?). But with the paradigm shift to the new stuff, we are still doing all of that but without an identified, consistent business process to stand on. So, if I were compare it to something in real life. It's like buying a bookcase from IKEA. You bring the box home, open it, and spread the pieces on the floor. Then someone steals the instruction manual and the box. So, you know what you're trying to put together, but you have nothing to go on, except that you know it's supposed to be a bookcase. Oh, and the bookcase has to be built by Friday so you can give it to your Grandmother for her 85th birthday. (Ok, so that analogy kinda sucked. Sorry!) Anyway, all that to say that for me, work is not fun right now. It almost feels like punishment. And since it's so yucky, instead of coming home and being productive, I don't want to do anything, but recreation and relaxation. My brain can't even handle anything else.

So, Maryn, how are you going to get through this? How can you take your mind off of this ongoing drama?
Look to the Word! (cue the trumpets!) 50-million-trillion examples of how God's people have persevered through difficult situations and made it out on the other side, and were better for it!

Hebrews 12:5-7;10-13 
"And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.. Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

So punishment now helps us to achieve holiness later and our toil produces a harvest of good things. While my job may not really be that much like punishment, I'm confident that in the end it will still produce a reward. There's no telling where all of this will lead to. At this point, I'm pretty sure I could do anything!

1 Corinthians 9:24-26
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air."

Our work has purpose and we must keep going until we get there. Our earthly work will yield an earthy reward and eventually our overall works will yield a heavenly reward. Another point is that people are watching you. So to show up to work and just sit there and stare at the ceiling... sounds awesome to me... but alas, we must be good examples and work as if we have something to prove.

Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." 

One of my favorite passages of scripture! Keep crawling, walking, running until you get there! This will not last forever!


And a video for today, because I love music and everything makes me think of a song -BlueLady

Falling In Love...11/4/13

...With Jesus! (Ha! Gotcha! Did you really think I was in a relationship and you didn't know about it??)

Anyway, I guess I should start at the beginning of the middle of my life....

Lately, I've been feeling kind of restless in my spirit and about three weeks ago, I popped into my pastor's office to talk to her about it. She finally asked me one question, "so... in all of that you're constantly doing each day, how much time are you spending with the Lord?"  Um, well, er.... all of that to say, not even half as much as I should be. So, she challenged me, spend an hour with the Lord, everyday. Read the Bible, really read it, and find yourself, your story in the Word.
This presented challenges to me... An hour? My brain immediately started wondering where the heck am I going to find an hour in my busy day? Since then, I've been struggling with it... Logistically, my schedule is a hot mess and I make other folks tired just posting about the places I go and things I do throughout the week.
Am I doing too much? Between my sorority, my church life, and work, is there something I can give up? The answer was nope, not right through here. Once I've committed to something, that's it. But in the future, who knows? But I can't wait til then to do this. So I tried several things...
      First, I tried first thing in the morning. I would get up at 5am, jump in the shower to wake myself up, then start reading my Word. Problem here: reading any book in the morning takes me right back to sleepy-town. Then I started journaling/note taking important points as I read... Nope still sleepy.
     Then I said, well, what about as soon as I get in the bed? I never immediately fall asleep, I have to wind down first. But then I decided I didn't want to give Him the wind-down. He deserves my very best!
And yet, since I still hadn't found a solution, I did pretty much nothing.*
(*Sidenote - I did start reading My Utmost for His Highest Devotional Bible in my bathroom. While it has been somewhat effective, it's FAR from being a prime location and it's not the hour I'm supposed to spending time with Him.)
So I've continued to pray about it, continued to mull over different options. (e.g. reading at lunchtime - "But then I'll get grease prints on the Bible!").
     Then this morning, it hit me! (Hello, Megan!" -- in my M'gann Morriz voice)
Girl, you have not blogged in forever. And for whatever reason, journaling has always been a special way to unlock my thoughts and focus on what was really going on with me. So, that's what I gotta do. I gotta write it, I gotta blog it. I gotta get out of my bed, turn on my mobile hotspot but otherwise ignore my phone, go into the living room, turn on my computer-TV, and write about the word of God and where it takes me.
Similar to taking notes during the sermon, this process helps me. And this gives God the first-fruits of my day, which is what I really wanted to do in the first place!
     And how do I know I'm on the right track already? I started writing and my cursor kept disappearing and reappearing so I would type two words, then click click click, then three more words.....  spent 20 minutes researching my disappearing cursor and couldn't find the answer... Decided it was probably an IE10 issue and tried writing in Chrome. Ta Da! Problem solved. Whatever devil! Nice try! And here I am writing and engaged and already have some Word to share, that I've read and pondered about.
And who knows, maybe one day, I'll find the time, discipline, focus, to come straight home, turn everything off, and sit with Jesus. But right now, that's not even feasible for my life. Busyness is in my blood. I just have to find a way to use it for God's glory and not my own gratification.

Onto the Word... (or closer to the Word than I've been lol)
I spend a lot of time thinking about my future and talking to God about it. And I'm getting better with being at peace regarding my single status. I do know that I have to put Him first then everything else will fall into place. (Seek ye first the Kingdom of God... and all of these things will be added unto you...)
So, I gotta date, go steady with, fall in love with, and marry Jesus (and be okay with it!)
Normally, the first moments of waking, I'm coming out of a dream that makes me long for my future to start now, so I immediately begin to pray, asking God to help me with that and to draw me closer to Him while I am waiting for my future husband. This morning, the words of Jonathan Butler's song "Falling In Love With Jesus" popped in my head and then I started thinking about Love and the verse came to mind, "If you love me, feed my sheep". So, as I prepared to write this post, I jumped on that and looked for it in Mommy's Disciple's Study Bible (NIV) and had to manually search for it. Sure, I could have pulled out my Bible app, but that could have led down the oft-taken road to distraction-ville (a post on Facebook, my ham musabi in Restaurant Story is finished cooking, a text message or missed call, etc). I could have searched for it on the computer and found it and even copied and pasted it. But, seeing as the whole point in this is to actually know and study His word... you get it! So, I went old school and used the mini-concordance in the back. I knew the word "Love" was in there and that He was talking to the disciples (most likely Peter) when He said it, so I knew it had to be in the gospels somewhere.... Based on the mini-concordance, I narrowed it down to John 14 or John 21, but I had to read them to be sure... .

I found this section first (and I manually typed it. Giving myself kudos because I am the queen of cut, copy, and paste!)
John 14:15; 21; 23
"If you love me, you will obey what I command..." "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him..".Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him and we will come to him and make our home with him."

Okay, so this text is almost there. It's making it quite clear that if I loved Him, I would obey Him. I would already have His commands (i.e. the Word) and then I would actually follow them. So, I read it and highlighted it. And as I type this, I'm grateful for finding that one first, because it is confirmation for this entire exercise. Hallelujah for confirmation! But alas, that's not what I was searching for...
John 21:15-17
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of  my sheep." The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you. Jesus said, "Feed my sheep."

(Gosh, so where do I even start? It's 6:45 and the sun is rising (gorgeous, by the way!). Gotta jump in the shower soon.)
I've read this text, heard sermons about this text for years. And it occurred to me that I always took this to be Jesus saying to Peter, Prove it. Prove your love for me by your actions. Take care of my sheep (i.e. the people who I've entrusted to you in this world, the people who need looking after). Feed and clothe the homeless, stuff like that. But this morning, in the context of "Falling in Love With Jesus", it echoes John 14.

Jesus: Maryn, do you love me?
Me: Are you serious, Lord? Of course, I love you
Jesus: Then do what I told you to do
Me: *looks down at shoelaces*
Me: Oh

Do I know all of what He is telling me to do? Not yet. The point is putting my spirit in agreement with obedience. Not sure if you know this, but I am STUBBORN, so even saying "Yes Lord" is a lot for me. I know I have an assignment or two or three on this earth, but I can't start it if I don't know what it is. I'll only know what it is is, if I listen to the teacher. I've been so busy chatting in the back of class, passing notes, doodling in my notebook, secretly reading my favorite book, you get where I'm going with this.
If I'm not listening, if I'm not studying, if I'm not focusing, I'll never get to the point of saying "yes, Lord, it is I, send me" because I didn't hear him calling me in the first place. And Lord knows, the last thing I need, is a whale, bus, airplane taking me somewhere I don't want to go because I've been disobedient. Nope, there's no good reason why I have to be taken to my assignment against my will.

Another interesting tidbit that occurred to me while I was typing the scripture..
Duh, Peter, you denied Jesus three times before He was crucified. Why are you acting like "How dare you ask me these things Lord?". Hence, why He asked you three times in a row, hello! Yup, got a lot in common with Peter, that's for sure! Just talking our way through life smh.

Anyway, thank you Lord, for the Word today! Help me to keep this word ever before me, on my forehead and written in my heart, but especially today. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to choose me. Even me with all of my mess. So very grateful for that!

Here's the link to "Falling in Love With Jesus"
Peace and Blessings to you on this Monday!

BlueLady Out!

Old school Nickelodeon....

This is super random, but you know how songs just pop in your head, out of the blue? Well, tonight, "The Cat Came Back" was in my head, for some reason that song has stuck with me. That got me thinking about the cartoon video that accompanied the song and how I used to hate when it came on because it was so long and kinda stupid.
Nickelodeon's programming used to be so random back in the day. Before the introduction of NickToons (Doug, Rugrats, et al), there was You Can't Do That On Television, Double Dare, David the Gnome, and Pinwheel!  Here's some illustrative  YouTube videos!

The Cat Came Back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bETCusT5kNM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

You Can't Do That On Television
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WDjJOSCxyw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Pinwheel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLCg1kb1sA0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

David the Gnome
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jtyNF7BKds&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Maya the Bee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NuZGKtCW_w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Feeling and Filling the Void...

I haven't blogged in forever, but tonight I just have to. I was asleep but woke up with disconsolate feelings. Misery at 2am sucks!

Whenever I get through a crisis, I want to just put it behind me and move on, but it strikes me that someone may benefit from my experience. Maybe hearing my thoughts will save them some anguish.

I've been feeling kinda low lately. Most of the time, it's easy to bounce back but biology has me bound up...
I'm forced to deal with me and call these feelings out for what they are!

I'm missing something, actually it's probably several things...

I miss my mom. I miss living in the house with someone. I miss living in a house period. I miss having someone to share the bills with. I miss my bunny.  I miss my Nissan altima. I miss last winter's black boots.

I miss him. I miss return calls and "pub therapy". I miss the farcity of our "friendship". I miss watching the local news and the Today Show. I miss Wendy's breakfast menu. I miss the days of eating what I wanted without consequences.

I miss high school days and my high school faith. I miss college years and the trials I made it through. I miss that summer when we discovered bike night...

I'm sure there's more but Yikes, that's enough stuff. A crater of wants and needs that is empty. It's my void.

So, as I started praying for God to fill my void, I started thinking about everyone with voids so now I'm going to pray for us all.

Almighty God, there is none like You. How dare we forget how far You've brought us? We have taken our focus from You and placed it on ourselves,  and found ourselves severely lacking. Forgive us for our self-centeredness. We perceive that we are missing so much, but all we really need is more of You...
For every person we are missing and interaction we crave, Lord, please fill the void.
For every resource we need and material thing we desire, Lord, please fill the void.
God, help us to stop feeling our voids then filling them with people, places, and things that can't possibly do the job. You, Lord, are the only One who can not only fill the void, but eradicate the crater altogether.
God, fill us up with You until we overflow. Fill us with Your love, joy, and peace until we become contagious and spread it to everyone.
We need You like never before. Help us to stop looking for void-fillers and instead seek only after You.

In the name of Jesus we pray,
Amen

Burden lifted! Here comes the sleepy train. ZZZZzzzzz.

Plug the hole

Every night this week, "dream me" has been dating or in a relationship or married...
And every morning this week, I wake up feeling like there's a hole in my heart (like iron man without his reactor), remembering that i'm single and not dating anyone...
And every morning this week, I pray for God's presence and love to plug the hole...

No more emptiness