Day 2 - Hidden Croutons

So here I sit, gnoshing on some rice bean medley I got from whole foods because it occurred to me at 930pm that I was STARVING and I needed rice and veggies. Luckily I was in east liberty when it hit lol.
All in all, I think I did pretty good today. This am, I had a dentist appt (which was just too long and annoying but at least I got my pre-crown). I drove to training and ate some organic applesauce. For lunch, we went to olive garden and I ordered whole wheat linguine with tomato sauce. I got salad and was smart enough to ask them for no dressing and to not give me any cheese. Im happily chomping on my salad, but then a vague sense of guilt creeps over me. Im looking thru my salad but can't figure it out. Im still eating and then it hits me... GASP, im eating croutons! I forgot to ask them to hold the croutons!! OMG! Im freaking out at the table. My coworkers are cracking up bc im picking all the croutons out, fussing. Sigh, hot mess lol.
The rest of the day was uneventful. Had natural popcorn (lime and salt flavor?) for a snack at work. Then I came home and had a PB&J and an AB&J before the college tour mtg. Those are always good to hit my chocolate craving.
They just didn't last in my tummy tho.

Well im sleepy so gonna summarize:
Fasting: B
Bible Reading: C
Cleaning: D
Blogging: B

Overall: C

Good night!

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Day 1 is complete

So I took a little nap and now i'm awake. Figured I might as well give a summary....

This morning, I blogged, read Daniel 10, cleaned the upstairs bathroom, had organic oatmeal and decaffeinated tea for breakfast.

Then I went to 1st Baptist of West Mifflin for my godson's dedication. The message was 'I ain't going to hell' or something like that. It was based on the passage in Luke where the rich man is in hell talking to Abraham in heaven and eventually asks him to help his brothers so they don't end up in hell too. It was pretty good. Then we did the dedication and the pastor had us pass the baby around the circle. Felt familiar... Maybe that's how Dr. Peters used to do it?

The caffeine-withdrawal headache started around 1130 am.

Then we went to Buca di Beppo and... I broke fast :-(
I tried to plan ahead by looking at their menu and was gonna order their apple pecan salad without the cheese etc. BUT when we got there, realized that bff Shae had already reordered our family style dinner. So either I would have had to pay out of pocket for my meal, with her already having paid for me, or just suck it up and try to make do. Uh yeah that didn't work either. From the italian bread on the table to the salads (dripping in cheese and dressing) to the main course (chicken parm and spaghetti w/ meat sauce) to the gorgeous cake (see pic), there wasn't a thing I could do. So I just asked for forgiveness and ate. I'm glad I went, got to spend time with prince jay's big sisters too - vaeh and asha-Lou.

When the eater's remorse kicked in, I stopped at giant eagle on my way home. Got my bread and hummus and natural popcorn. Tryna be well prepared for this week.

Got home, ate some baked natural chips and hummus (spinach artichoke! Yum!), and just relaxed. Trying to fight the headache (I had taken 3 Tylenol earlier), I had to take an excedrin. Fell asleep around 830. Had weird dream involving coworkers. We were a team but instead of being kids specialists, we were doing something else kind of odd. Don't remember what tho. Probably literally saving the world lol!

Woke up to the nanny theme song at 1130 and voila here we are. Spent some time tweeting, watching tv. Then decided to get up and do some organizing in the downstairs bathroom.

So all in all, a good day. Mmm, maybe I should grade myself on my areas.

Fasting - fasted 2 out of 3 meals - C
Bible Reading - read 1 chapter - D
Cleaning - 2 cleaning efforts - C
Blogging - blogged twice - A

Overall - C+

Night-night for now!

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The Next 40 Days

By the time I finish this post, the Daniel Fast will have begun. This year, in addition to fasting, I really feel now is the perfect time to work on some other areas of my life. Areas that I slack on too often. So, in hopes of starting new habits, here I go!

Area 1: Reading my Bible
Area 2: Keeping the house clean
Area 3: Blogging

Area 1 is something I should be doing but rarely have the time/focus to devote to it. Knowing me and my beliefs and my love of reading, you would think it isn't an issue. It is.

Area 2 is something I never want to do until I absolutely have to. I can always find a good excuse not to clean. So when it has to be done, I have to start 16-hr cleaning bonanzas in order to get it together. Yup, definitely an issue.

Area 3 is more of a personal challenge. Could I maintain a daily blog? I find that my journals are really the key tools to remembering my life, particularly the high school and college years. In my book, if I didn't write about it, it didn't happen. So in order to effectively capture the essence of the 30+ version of me, I think the best way to do it is via blogging.

So here's the daily plan (including the DF) : read Bible in the morning, clean something every morning and every night, blog at night.

Feeling encouraged!

BBT (Be Back Tonight)
:-)

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Sad Bones

You ever hear someone to talk about they could feel something in their bones? I guess its a colloquialism but tonight it makes sense. I've been secretly sad this whole weekend. Maybe its just the hormones but this sadness feels deep, like its hiding in my bone marrow. Its been lurking beneath the surface and I'm tired of it. I guess its been the culmination of things. I'm not gonna blame the whole thing on v-day, but im sure its a contributing factor.

The singleness is starting to haunt me. It's in the back of my mind all day. At night, I'm teased by dreams. Dreams where I'm dating, in a relationship, married..... I must be getting more transparent or just tired of the farce. All week, people have been pondering my singleness. They say the usual "you'll find somebody" "it'll happen soon" but my body and verbal language says WHATEVER! Because no one's setting me up and at this point, I'm not sure they should bother. If God wants me to have a man, i'll have one. And if He doesn't.... well isn't that my main issue? That's the reality I'm facing and it hurts. I don't want to be single but if that's God's will, who am I to question it??? So, right now, I have to focus on what I want/need my kingdom blessing to be.... to be a "Fulfilled Single" and pray that I get there from here. A state where I focus more on God and what He desires of me and where I pay more attention to others rather than being so self-centered.

Sorry that I only blog when I'm emotional. I used to journal about everything, then I used to journal about the good times. Now I just blog when I need to air out the thoughts that don't have anywhere else to go. Because while friends can empathize with me, its my burden.

Alright, that's enough of the pity party!

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Slow Whine

I'm just frustrated right now... Romantically frustrated.
I know its the hormones talking, bc every month I end up back here...
Ravenously hungry for some social excitement and male attention. Fantasizing about men I've had crushes on in the past and random men I know, that all of a sudden I find cute and irresistible!
I know I have to wait. I know I have to be patient. I get all that. But I'm just tired... "How long, o Lord, how long"???

Sometimes the row is just too hard to hoe...

And its not even that I want a relationship. I just want someone to want me... Not that I'm a tease (anymore!), because I don't play games. I guess I'd just like to date... Or something...

Shuttle is almost at work. Sorry for whining...

BlueLady
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Bye 2010 - Test God for 26

Bye 2010!

If I had to sum up this year in six-word-increments, here's what it would look like:

Mommy's surviving cancer, God is GOOD!

Still single, but I'll be okay.

Caseworkers hate KIDS(TM), but not children!


Yup, that's 2010 in a nutshell for me....

I feel like I'm at a crossroads though. Been feeling antsy and restless b/c something's about to happen. Darned if I know what....

I can't even decide how I want to bring in 2011. I wanted to have a small party, but that didn't pan out. Normally, I go to church. This year, I'm not feeling it. Don't get me wrong, God deserves every bit of my praise! 'Cause he's been amazing and awesome! But something about ringing in 2011 in the A-V booth again is just a tad depressing. The last time I celebrated NYE with a boo was... 2006/2007 (I think... Yikes).
I've had some dalliances since then but none have spanned the new year.

Not sure if I even want a relationship. The whole dating, trusting, loving thing gets dicey.

"Somebody almost walked off wit alia my stuff...." But left somebody else's baggage behind. Because I used to not have baggage, not me, the naïve gullible trusting one.

I kinda wish I could meet "him" and be like "Hi. I'm Maryn. God said I'm supposed to marry you." And he says, "Yup". And then we just get married, with vows that we agree to stand by. Sounds easy to me! Lol! If only things could be that simple...

I guess I'm just ready for a new direction...

Well, enough of that, I've got one resolution so far and its the utmost:

Test God for 26: I've never tithed my gross before. So this year I'm gonna do it, every pay period!






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Fat-Minded...

So, I just made a discovery of myself. I'm fat. Ok, that's clearly not the discovery. But even more so, even if I was a size 4, I would still be fat. And by fat, I don't mean body-dysmorphic, look at my thighs, etc sort of fat. I mean that I THINK fat. Therefore I'm fat-minded. Tonight, when I hadn't even eaten dinner, I'm thinking about breakfast. (Mmm, coffee...)

Lately, while in the midst of financial crises, I've been miserable. So, naturally I thought I was upset because I didn't have money. I thought that money had this strange hold on me, with the power to alter my mood (which it still does a little) but in all actuality, what upsets me more about being broke is being deprived of good food. What's good food you ask? ANYTHING that is prepared FOR me, rather than BY me! With the exception of food at my house (I don't trust my refrigerator, but that's another story...)....... Ahem.

Anyway, so, if I'm broke and somebody gives me money, I'm SUPER happy. But if they give me food instead, heck I'm still happy!

A couple of months ago, I realized that my spending habits were scarily aligned with my eating habits. So I devised this lifestyle change - Eat Within My Means! Where I would buy lunchmeat and all the sandwich fixins and eat a sandwich and chips everyday, rather than the high-calorie fast food I normally eat. So at least for lunchtime, this would save me money and ultimately my cholesterol and hey I might even lose weight and I'm loving it right?! Untillll the lunchmeat runs out and my wallet is empty and I'm stuck again... Then the whole stupid cycle starts all over again.

Smh, I have NO willpower at all. Lord, please don't let me get any health condition that requires me to eat a low calorie, low sugar, low fat, low carb, low fun diet! 'Cause I'm pretty sure, if it comes down to cookies or my health, I won't be able to keep from choosing COOKIES! I mean, I guess y'all could lock my food up like I had prader-willy but...
Ok, sorry for the tangent. I wonder if I would love food so much if my finances were better/stable? I mean, clearly, th more money you have, the more choices you have, so maybe that will fix my issue. Hmm....

-BlueLady

P.s. I allegedly have a date this friday. ALLEGEDLY! And guess what I care more about? Somebody wants to buy me food. Hooray! I know...I'm a lost cause... Y'all still love me tho right??

;-)
<3 Be Inspired <3