Blogging tonight while I wind down and get ready for bed…
So my last post was about fear and the post before that was
about being humble. How apropos because tonight’s post is a marriage between
both… at least, how they manifest themselves in my life.
Let’s backtrack shall we? Yesterday I cleaned my house and
one of my besties came to visit me before I went to Watch Night. Watch Night,
that I had been going back and forth about whether I was going or or not, but
ultimately decided to press my way. Our visit went a little longer than
expected, so I asked her to drop me in Forest Hills, because I thought I had
probably missed the bus at Walmart. I made it to church early and had an
awesome time in the Lord. After the usual post-church linger, me and some of my
church fam went to Eat N Park on 65. I attempted to just get a ride downtown,
but due to an “executive override” was driven all the way home (LOL). I went to
bed around 4am and slept in until about 11. Got up and showered and went to
brunch with another friend. Decided I was going to do a movie bonanza today on
my last day of vacation, and got a ride to the movie theater. Saw 3 good movies
(Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Anchorman 2, and Mandela: A Long Walk to
Freedom). Following the movies (circa 9:40pm) , I had a plan to walk to the
Giant Eagle to pick up a couple of things then call a cab… This is where my
plan went to hell in a hand basket. Here are the reasons why:
A.
Today is a holiday. Giant Eagle closed at 6pm…..
B.
Today is a holiday. Cabs are not readily
available
6. Today is a holiday and I’m going back to
work tomorrow. I did not need eggs and ammonia tonight…
In hindsight, I should have just stayed at the movie theater
and at least been sitting inside where it was warm. Ah, but no, I stood out in
the cold for 40 minutes waiting for a cab to even respond to my trip.
During the 40 minutes, I went through stages of emotions. From
resolve to denial to stupidity to acceptance. Early on in the 40 minutes, a
couple came up to return their redbox and left, then did a u-turn and came back
and asked if I needed a ride. Of course I told them no because I was waiting
for a cab and I was fine… right? Wrong! I have to say, this ride rejection was much
less about pride and moreso being worried about safety.
Let me digress for a minute about stranger danger. In general I am a naïve and trusting soul. I
unknowingly put myself in situations all the time and I don’t worry about
anything because God is with me. While waiting at a bus stop by myself late at
night, or walking down my street, I’m fine because God is with me. But for some
reason, accepting a ride from a total stranger is an automatic no. Same as
picking up a hitchhiker. I don’t know, maybe the lessons I learned as a child
about stranger danger actually stuck with me. It’s almost as if I think God
will protect me from the dangers that I unknowingly put myself in, but that if
I do knowingly put myself in the situation, his grace will disappear. I mean,
these were people of a much-lighter complexion than me out in North Versailles
and they did a u-turn for me! Smh forgive
me Lord for turning the ride down.
Anyway, after I turned the ride down, and I called the cab
company a 2nd time, and after running through the list of people I
know that live out this way and who I was actually willing to bug at 10:40 at
night, I finally gave up and just posted it on Facebook. And ta-da, I had a
ride within 15 minutes. So simple, but I just had to be so stubborn. I started
crying while I posted it because it was hard to do. Admitting I need help is
like anathema to me. I hate it, period. But it’s something God is working out
in me. Y’know, when I asked God to show
me my issues so I could see them and start working on them, this was the last
thing I expected. To be constantly confronted with what’s left of my pride and
my lack of humility is really hard. All I can do is just ask God for
forgiveness for the sins of my flesh, especially this thing called pride, and
help me to be more humble. Help me to trust in Him (and only Him!). Help me to
have faith and to know that even when I knowingly put myself in potentially
dangerous situations, His blood still covers me and that I won’t come to any
hurt, harm, or danger.
Took a cold pill and the sleepy train is on the way.
Tonight’s video is “His Blood Still Works” by Vashawn
Mitchell. Enjoy and goodnight, on this
the first night of 2014.
-BlueLady
