Sad Bones

You ever hear someone to talk about they could feel something in their bones? I guess its a colloquialism but tonight it makes sense. I've been secretly sad this whole weekend. Maybe its just the hormones but this sadness feels deep, like its hiding in my bone marrow. Its been lurking beneath the surface and I'm tired of it. I guess its been the culmination of things. I'm not gonna blame the whole thing on v-day, but im sure its a contributing factor.

The singleness is starting to haunt me. It's in the back of my mind all day. At night, I'm teased by dreams. Dreams where I'm dating, in a relationship, married..... I must be getting more transparent or just tired of the farce. All week, people have been pondering my singleness. They say the usual "you'll find somebody" "it'll happen soon" but my body and verbal language says WHATEVER! Because no one's setting me up and at this point, I'm not sure they should bother. If God wants me to have a man, i'll have one. And if He doesn't.... well isn't that my main issue? That's the reality I'm facing and it hurts. I don't want to be single but if that's God's will, who am I to question it??? So, right now, I have to focus on what I want/need my kingdom blessing to be.... to be a "Fulfilled Single" and pray that I get there from here. A state where I focus more on God and what He desires of me and where I pay more attention to others rather than being so self-centered.

Sorry that I only blog when I'm emotional. I used to journal about everything, then I used to journal about the good times. Now I just blog when I need to air out the thoughts that don't have anywhere else to go. Because while friends can empathize with me, its my burden.

Alright, that's enough of the pity party!

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